my take on the “insufferable” female protagonist

A few days ago was the 27th anniversary of when the first episode of Sex and the City aired on television. While I have immersed myself into the lives of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda for many years now, the television show has garnered the attention of all twenty-something year old women today. A new audience has focused their attention on the trials and tribulations of the show’s leading ladies, and little did Candace Bushnell and Darren Starr know, but their beloved characters would become the subject of countless opinions. On the contrary from when the show originally aired, these opinions would be coming from a new generation of women,,who live in a society hyper-fixated on independence, self-growth, and perfectionism. I have read countless articles and social media posts sharing brutally honest opinions on everything from the fashion, the countless romantic escapades, and the friendship dynamics in the show.

However, one opinion has seemed to remain consistent among these Gen Z viewers:

Carrie Bradshaw is immature, selfish, and a mediocre friend.

From her desperately long chase for Mr. Big, to her constant displays of unreliability when her friends need her the most, many women have come to the consensus that Carrie is an insufferable female lead, one way or another.

Throughout the show, we see Carrie face her biggest fears and anxieties, but also simultaneously move up in her career, from starting out as a budding journalist to ultimately becoming a best-selling author. She displays growth, but knocks herself back down the second her past confronts her. She is an unreliable friend at times - one common example being when she sends her boyfriend Aidan to take care of Miranda when she falls in her bathroom, or expects Charlotte to give her money when she cannot afford to buy her apartment due to her massive credit card debt. However, we also see Carrie step up to the plate as the seasons pass, such as when she stood by Samantha during her battle with breast cancer.

Long story short, Carrie is imperfect. Her actions will make you wish you could yell at her through the screen, screaming “don’t do it!” Yet, we are so quick to worship Samantha Jones and Charlotte York, despite the fact they both show us their weaknesses and flaws just as much as Carrie does. While it is easy to let our frustrations get the best of us while watching a character as flawed as Carrie, many other female protagonists in film and television seem to follow suit in their questionable behavior.

Another example I love to reference is the New England girl we all love to hate, Rory Gilmore. From growing up in sheltered small Connecticut town, attending an elite private school funded by her grandparents, and going to Yale just to drop out and play housewife for a year, Rory Gilmore is the perfect example of a female lead who simply learns from her mistakes, just to backtrack a season later. Viewers love to peg Rory as a spoiled, wanna-be middle class girl, who is blind to her privilege and was given the golden child treatment by everyone in her family and town.

Time and time again, we are faced with examples of imperfect female leads in every corner of pop culture. They struggle to set boundaries, maybe put themselves first a little too much, and might have difficulty taking accountability for their mistakes. It is easy for us to throw rocks at these imaginary women and fault them for their flaws. However, we are equally as quick to rewatch season after season, expecting their outcomes to look different.

I think we are so easily hooked into their storylines, because almost all of us know a Carrie Bradshaw or a Rachel Green. We know someone who constantly goes back to the guy who is not good for them, after they repeatedly prove they are not worth fighting for. We know friends who may have our backs one minute, but the next they are ditching you for a seemingly better option. It is easy for us to get frustrated and become emotionally invested in these characters, when we can identify how the plot line intersects with our own lives.

However, I also think that these leading women were created to encourage us to reflect on our own mistakes. Hell, I know there have been times where I was as delusional as Carrie was about Mr. Big. I know I’ve had moments where my ego was struck down, just like Rory’s, when Mr. Huntsburger told her that she didn’t have what it took to work in Journalism. Believe me, there are more examples where that came from.

Pop culture is popular for a reason. These television shows were successful because the characters were relatable and resonated with their target audience. This includes their strengths, and their flaws - they are not mutually exclusive. And while we often rank characters against one another, we may forget that they all have their own struggles, and are seemingly imperfect just like the rest of us.

Every piece of media comes with a lesson, thanks to the incredible writers who dedicate their lives to creating these characters and stories for us to consume. Every Carrie needs her Miranda to provide logic, when she is only thinking with her heart. Each character balances one each other out, and if this wasn’t the case, the story wouldn’t be very good to begin with.

We become obsessed with these stories because of their predictability and the fact that it feels “real,” despite being pure fiction. While it is so quick for us to shame our favorite female leads for their weakest moments, we forget that there is someone out there going through a similar struggle. Whether they are getting a divorce, got pregnant accidentally, dealing with a mental health battle, or having a hard time getting over their recent breakup, every up and down that comes with those experiences is what makes us into the beautiful, flawed, imperfect women we are. Each experience and emotion is what makes up the quilt of our lives, filled with different people, emotions, and experiences. Imagine how boring the show Sex and the City would be if Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha all looked and acted exactly the same - that isn’t real life, and that isn’t what real friendships look like either.

I leave you with this - while it is perfectly acceptable to get consumed by your favorite characters in television shows, cringe at the dialogue in one of the scenes, or complain to your roommates that you think it is “offensive” that they compared you to Paris Geller instead of Rory Gilmore, remind yourself of this. Every woman, despite her weaknesses, flaws, and struggles, is a beautiful and strong person with one hundred more positive qualities inside of her. Make no mistake, critique these women, but do some self-reflection. Think about why this leading lady is making you frustrated. Is it because it reminds you of a current situation you are dealing with? Is it because you have a friend who reminds you of them, and you are avoiding having a conversation with them discussing how you feel?

Media is meant to be consumed, but it is also meant to be interpreted, analyzed, and to teach us important lessons. Especially in 2025, it is especially important for us to engage with the media we consume, even if it is a 30 minute episode of Girls on HBO Max. While it may be hard to believe, there is definitely always something we can learn from Hannah, Marnie, and Shoshana. And believe me, I know, it surprises me too.